You may not be his first, last, or his only. But if he loves you now, what else matters? He’s not perfect, you aren’t either; but if he can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. Don’t hurt him, and don’t expect more. Smile when he makes you happy, let him know when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there .
It’s too soon to “talk” with someone. I don’t want to. I want this year for myself, to love myself, to be selfish, to spoil myself. I want to love and care for myself. I don’t want to go through another heartbreak, as a matter of fact I can’t go through another. There’s been so much damage on this fragile little heart. If I don’t have anyone thats fine. Because if I don’t have someone I don’t have to be afraid. Or paranoid. I dont have to feel like im trying too hard or not hard enough. I dont have to worry about anyone but myself. I sound selfish but I don’t care because for two years I have been selfless.
I never really thought about this until now… I’ve kept breaking hearts because I’d put someone’s hopes up and then break the news that I’m back with my ex. I guess it didnt really occur to me I was hurting people until I realized the last person I was “talking” to got really hurt. He told me he didnt want to talk to me ever until he was over this. I didnt realize that he liked me so much… I didnt realize that I kept hurting everyone around me and pushing everyone around me away because I couldnt let “a certain someone” go. I was so selfish. I tried to keep him for myself and break other boys’ hearts. I guess… I really hurt myself in the end because I’ve lost many good friends. I dont know why I go to the end of the world for “him”