Yeah pretty much. Im bipolar as a mother fucker, ain’t gonna lie. LMFAO. The only good thing about being bipolar is that you get over things easily. I forgive so much that sometimes I forgive TOO much. I’m working on my temper and shit now. Lol.
You think I’m just gonna drop everything to be with someone like you? Hell no. We remain friends but I guess it’s true what they say about ex’s being friends. There’s always one who’s hoping to get back with the other. I love who I’m with and I’d never gamble him to be with someone like you. I am so happy with where I’m at and who I’m with, why, for one second, do you think that I’d give you a second chance. Are you stupid?
When I’m so motivated and so proud, it’s always you that brings me down. Just an hour earlier I was so happy with all of my grades and I wanted you to know. I was so excited and so happy, thinking that I had a chance to go to ASU or UCLA. I was ready to take on the challenges if becoming a psychiatrist. I was so motivated… And of course, it’s never good enough for you fuckin asian parents. This is why I want to go to the Marines because all you damn asian elders never see that it’s ever fucking enough. Fuck the world. Fuck what everyone says I have to do. WHO the fuck said I have to go to school, WHO the fuck said that I need money to be happy, WHO the FUCK said that I need a fuckin framed degree. Take a picture of my middle fingers and frame that fuckin shit. Kiss my big non-Asian ass. What? National Honor Society of High Schools ain’t good enough for you? Rank 149 out of 500 aint good enough for you? 3.5 ain’t good enough for you? College AND High School student ain’t good enough for you? Part-time job ain’t good enough for you? Well no wonder I want to say fuck school and join the goddamn army.
And not just the army. THE Marines. The most fuckin respected mother fuckers in this mother fuckin nation. Put that in your fuckin pipe and fuckin SMOKE THAT fuckin MOTHER FUCKER all up, damn Asian parents.
I feel like I’ve been working way too hard. And I guess what happened today shows that I have been. On my way to work, I was getting sleepy…too sleepy. I was 5 minutes away from my work place. The last thing I remember was making a right turn onto Noble Street and the next, I didn’t even feel my body sling foreword and it wasn’t until I bounced back from the air bag and slammed my head to the seat that I woke up. I opened my eyes to see smoke and this horrible smell of metal friction ran through my nose. My vision was cloudy and my windshield was broken. The cracks were like the branches of a tree but without leaves. My body in shock and throbbing with a pain I’ve never felt before or could even imagine. I managed to reach my hand to the lock button to try and unlock my car. It didn’t work because…well…I just ran my car into a city bus and the engine was out. I took a deep breath, inhaling the white smoke coming out of my air bags, and reached to the lock of my door to manually open it. As I did, I took my seat belt off because it was suffocating me. I looked outside to see lots of people looking at me, helping me, asking if I was all right. I’ve never seen such wonderful citizenship before. It made me think that maybe it is possible that there are good people in this world. The first thing I thought about was Matt. About how worried he was going to be. I had to find my phone. Every one told me stay still. I looked in front of me through my broken windshield. It was just like a movie except…it was actually me that could feel the pain. It hurt so much. My head was throbbing and when I breathed my chest trembled. My head was heavy with heat and my left foot felt like it was twisted backwards. Someone was right next to me asking me for my name and I couldn’t say it but only whisper it. Making any noises made my chest feel like it was being pounded with a sludge hammer. A policeman came and told everyone to back away and he asked who I was. At this point I didn’t want to talk anymore. I found strength inside of me to open up the middle storage compartment and grabbed my wallet for them. Before they pulled me out I had managed to grab my phone. I heard cops yelling out to one another to block off the roads and sirens were coming my way. I didn’t want to move at all. The fire department put a neck brace on me just in case I broke my neck or hurt my spine. They helped me onto the bed stretcher and into the ambulance I went. Before I called my dad, I called Matt…this was when I needed him most…when I wanted him most.
Being strolled in the hospital was petrifying. I have never been strolled into the hospital on a bed stretcher before. When we got there they said they had no rooms for me and to put me out to the “Fraiser”. This was located near the waiting room. I couldn’t turn my neck or see much but I had sworn I saw Matt’s face. They helped me onto a wheel chair and as I sat down, my dad came through the doors. He looked… Emotionless. Like he didn’t even care that I just crashed my car. I kept apologizing and I started to sob then I looked behind my dad to see Matt…then I saw Fong, Mathai and Tai. I was so embarrassed because they all saw me weak and vulnerable. I never ever want people to see me cry. It’s just been like that for a long time; I never show my vulnerability and I keep a strong face on.
They took me back and said it was necessary for me to be put in a room at this moment. Beside me were the two men who I loved the most, who were important to me the most and who loved me the most. Beside me was my father who loved me through all of my
life so far. Beside me was my lover who is going to be that person who would love me for the rest of my life.
After they monitored my heart, Matt had brought all of my friends to the room. I wanted to cry. I’ve never had such wonderful, amazing friends before in my life. All though I looked completely torn up and dirty, I was glad to see Juanata, Tony, Fong, Mathai and Tai. What helped me recover better was Tai’s joke about playing volleyball today. I chuckled but man did it hurt to smile. Lol.
I love my Mommy for taking care of me this weekend. And I love my Matt, for helping her take care of me. After my crash, I really do see life in a whole-nother way.